What do you think about this rap I wrote quite a while back?

You can't ask for peoples opinions and then get mad at the feedback.Feedback from potential fans is how you'll grow as an MC.If you flow and nobodies boppin their heads and saying wow then you just sharpen your skills,it's no big deal.As for your flow,it's violent and tered.Put your rymes in bars.Try 16,24,32.Each bar is kinda like a sentence and when you put it on a site like Yahoo Answers people can read it better.Keep flowing homie but stop being so mad,it's all gravy fella!